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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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But then, my phone buzzes again. It’s my boss. “We need to talk,” he says. Oh great, just what I need. I head back to the office, and my stomach’s in knots. I’m thinkin’ I’m about to get chewed out for that deal fallin’ through.

Heat record: never before so hot in Budapest and Hungary on 14 April